I was wondering what your thoughts were on when you think you should call it time on a relationship?
Me and my boyfriend have been together for five years, but the relationship feels like a lot of hard work. Rather than feeling like his partner, I feel like his mother.
I love him to bits and can’t imagine my life without him, but I’m fed-up of feeling unsupported. It doesn’t help that he comes with baggage. His family can’t seem to accept me and sometimes I just wonder, is this relationship worth it?
I’m so sorry to hear that you are going through this difficult time.
Unfortunately, relationships are not the fairytale they are made out to be in the Disney Movies. They’re bloody hard work!
We all come with some form of ‘baggage’, be it emotional or physical. But if you are making too many sacrifices to be with him, you have to ask yourself if it is worth it?
And that’s not just financial sacrifices, but what you are changing about yourself and what you want out of life? What are the personal sacrifices you are making to make this relationship work?
You can spend a lot of time in a relationship trying to be the ‘perfect partner’, and then wonder why your other half isn’t acting in the same way.
This is because your expectations of a relationship are different to your partners, and you have to communicate what it is that you not only want from a relationship but what you need. Those are two very different things that only you will know.
If these things aren’t aligned then perhaps it is for the best that you both move on.
Caught between wanting to let go, and holding onto what could be.
Before you take the leap it’s important to take a step back and think about yourself.
I know this sounds selfish, but if you’re not happy and cannot accept yourself, then how can you accept your partner?
Go out for a long walk and take some time to think about what you want from your life. How do you want to spend each day? What does this look like? What does this feel like?
Close your eyes and imagine the vision of what you want your life to be.
This may feel weird to begin with, but by doing this you will know if you are on the right path and if your partner fits in with this vision.
It’s very easy to get a warped vision of what a relationship ‘should’ be like. Thanks to social media we all seem to think that many of our friends and family have picture perfect relationships, but none of us really know what goes on behind closed doors.
There is no such thing as a perfect relationship, but what you need to do is establish your boundaries and ask yourself if these are being broken.
You should never feel as though you need to change yourself for anyone, or attempt to ‘fit in’.
If you’re mothering him, be honest with yourself and ask if you’re making him a little that way. Are you giving in to his every whim and making it easy for him to rely on you?
If this is the case, often a small break-away with friends may make him realise just how much you do.
Unfortunately, if he’s always been this way, then reality check – he’s never going to change. People don’t!
You must also remember that you can’t give to receive, unfortunately the world doesn’t work like that. We’re just not on an I.O.U rota.
If you’re constantly giving to receive then you have to stop, because no matter what you get back in return, it will never feel enough.
Only you know if you’re deeply unhappy or whether this is just a bump in the road.
Sit and down and talk to your partner and have an honest conversation.
You cannot live your life for someone else, it’s not fair on you, and not fair on them if you’re not 100% committed.
Sometimes we create our own heartbreak through expectation.
If any of you have been through something similiar or have you own words of wisdom for P, please share below.