I don’t know where on earth I conjured up the aspiration, but for a long time I held the strong belief that by the age of 30, I wanted to be married with children.
I laugh at this now, because although I’m creeping ever closer to the big 3 0, I see this as a rather naïve goal that actually warrants a slap around the face.
I don’t know when, where or why I felt that this was a goal, but now that I think about it I often just laugh, because what’s the rush?
It’s not that I’ve been hell bent on tying down a man and having as many offspring as possible, but it’s the fact that I set myself this goal in the first place.
Of course I eventually want the whole marriage, babies and house in the country, but whilst I had this dream in the back of my mind of what this will eventually look like, I’ve completely forgotten to embrace what I have right now, at this very minute.
And I believe that we all do this.
Perhaps this is stronger in women than in men thanks to the constant worry of our proverbial fertility clock moving closer to the end, but putting that aside, I believe we are all guilty of focusing on the later rather than the now.
We all throw ourselves into work to save up for some big holiday, a new car, or perhaps those new shoes we’ve been ogling at, but sometimes we can completely forget to spend our time embracing the moment.
After all, when these big things finally arrive what will we seek next?
Once you’ve achieved this grand goal you’ve spent so much time pushing for, what comes next, and will that ever be good enough?
When you spend a lot of time living a half life you end up forgetting to live.
I’m certainly not saying that we shouldn’t have goals, we should all have something that we want to work towards but I believe we shouldn’t sacrifice our current life for the end goal, because if it never comes around, where would we be then?
I may be getting a little deep on you now, so apologies if you didn’t come for life affirmation, but out of all the creatures and animals on this planet, us humans are the only one’s who know our own mortality. Otherwise a cat probably wouldn’t keep running in front of cars, and the poor spiders wouldn’t keep creeping up the plug hole. But here we are knowing that on average we probably live until our 80’s, and yet most of us decide to spend it being miserably unhappy and working ourselves into the ground.
When I recently turned my life upside down it felt like I was moving off a fast train that had been carrying me without ever remembering stepping on, and now that I’ve stepped off and looked at the beautiful landscape around me I’ve become the happiest I’ve ever been. I’m not saying it’s been an easy ride, but I’ve embraced the journey.
I’ve stopped living for the weekend and I’m living for the now.
Work is still important to me and so are the relationships that I hold with my friends and family, but rather than constantly talk about what I’m going to do or where I’m going to end up, I’ve started to just go with the flow.
And for someone who has started to become a persistent worrier, this has been a challenge.
Like the organised neat freak that Iam, I’m finally learning to love the chaos and the waves of drama that life brings.